Punishing Your Submissives: Why, When and How

The primary role of a submissive is to please their dominant, sexually and emotionally. In most cases, this means giving up their own preferences and sexual freedoms. A subs behaviour is a direct reflection of their dominant partner, they therefore always aim to conduct themselves respectfully and modestly. A lot of work goes into being the submissive in a relationship, therefore, they do fall short of their dominant’s expectation on occasion.

When a submissive breaks the rules set by their dominant or insinuated inappropriate behaviours they will require punishment, intending to correct the submissive behaviour. It is important to note, punishment should only be used in long-term sub/dom relationships when clear boundaries have been put in place. "Punishing" someone who doesn't know your boundaries is abusive, and this is not the reputation you want to have in the BDSM community.

The common reasons for punishment are:

• Lying
• Not asking permission
• nadequate performance or refusal to perform
• Incorrect completion or incompletion of a task
• Leaving behind a mess
• Lack of respect shown

Additionally, when training a submissive you will find characteristics that you want to change, this can include attitudes or complaints. For example, if you want your submissive to only speak when spoken to, and this is a characteristic they are not used to, then giving some sort of punishment will help remind your submissive of their place. Therefore training them to be the submissive you need them to be.

Before including punishment into your sub-dom relationship there are a few necessities that should be considered.

• All parties must be involved in the discussions surrounding punishment.
• The submissive must be willing to participate or desire to change.
• Discussions should include what is on and off-limits for both the submissive and the dominant.
• A safeword should be established if the punishment becomes too painful, physically, emotionally or mentally.
• Clear and specific rules and punishments should be agreed upon, set and known by both parties.
• Punishment must never be administered by an angry dominant. Dominants should be calm and level headed while punishing their sub.
• Dominant's lead by example and therefore should reiterate the proper behaviours after the punishment has taken place.
• The contract should be written and not changed by the dominant without permission from the submissive.

You should punish your submissive straight after the wrongdoing to help reinforce your rules, regulations and expectations. However, if the wrongdoing occurs in public or when the dom is out of sight, the sub should be made aware and warned that punishment will follow at a more appropriate time and/or place.

The harshness of the punishment should reflect the wrongdoing itself. For example, if the sub is five minutes late for a hookup, then intensive paddling would probably be too severe. As mentioned above the severity of the punishment should be pre-determined.

There are many different forms of punishment such as verbal punishment, humiliation, increased responsibilities and loss of privileges. Common punishments include:

• Impact - paddling, spanking or whipping.
• Orgasm denial or forced orgasm
• Forced silence
• Cuckolding
• Corner Time - try making them stand with a coin between their nose and the wall.
• Writing lines or an apology letter
• Loss of Privileges - access to their favourite body part, clothing or luxuries.
• Collar Punishment - replace their collar with a collar that you feel they need to be retrained in
• Physical Straining - sitting, crouching, lifting or holding items for an elongated period.

The punishment considered a "last resort" is to stop all training altogether. Doms use this method of punishment when they are extremely disappointed or let down by their sub. This gives your sub a set period to think about their actions and how to behave correctly in the future. A Dom would usually refuse to train again until they have straightened themselves out and proven their worth.

No matter the wrongdoing or the punishment, aftercare is important. The proper love and attention should be given to the submissive once they have learned their lesson. This is time set aside after the punishment to comfort your sub as they come down from any punishment scene. At the end of the day, a dominant should always want to protect and care for their submissives. One last thing for both parties to remember is, let it go. Once the submissive has been punished you cannot hold onto any resentment or negative feelings. These two stages of punishment will help develop a healthy relationship between the Dominant and submissive.

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